The life-changing magic of self-compassion at work

As we finally finish January, which research has shown to be the longest month of the year by at least 4,000 days, it can be all too easy to be kicking ourselves before the ink’s even dry on our plans for the year.

January is so often about high hopes and disappointments. The Internet doesn’t half like to bang on about the second/third Monday in January being ‘Blue Monday’ for example. For 21 years, this pseudo-scientific concept has drawn our focus to ‘the most depressing day of the year’, when remorse from the excesses of Christmas is at its height, the weather is at its greyest, and warmer days are still a very long way away. This anti-festival was invented in 2005 as a marketing hook for selling holidays straight after Christmas, encouraging people to focus on how terrible they feel in order to compel them to book a magic, cure-all fortnight somewhere sunny.

I am not here to sell you an all-inclusive beachside break, but I am here to recommend the entirely free practice of self-compassion, which can be a veritable balm for these grey days, and is a great habit for your brain to get into year-round.

Self-criticism is the voice of the inner critic, here to tell us “ugh, this always happens,” “whatever I try, things never change,” “I’m nowhere near good enough for this” “why does everybody on the internet find everything so easy, when for me it’s like climbing a mountain every day?”

My inner critic is called Barbara, and she’s the most unwelcome guest I’ve ever had to deal with. She just keeps coming back, absolutely certain that her input is helpful. She's wrong, but I do believe she means well. Over time, I've learned how to lure Barbara into a comfy armchair with a nice cup of tea while my nicely beefed-up self-compassion practice takes charge.

In February, I suggest that you attempt a simple self-compassion practice on the daily. There are a few options for how, but I very sincerely suggest that you start small, and aim to spend no more than 10 minutes a day on this.

I am evidence in human form that small shifts can make a big difference, and you do not need to uproot existing routines or spend an hour a day meditating in order to start being a bit nicer to yourself.

Self-compassion practices

3 minute practice
‘I did well today’ journaling practice. Before bed, bullet point a list of all the things you did well today, at work and in your personal life. Anything goes - in recent weeks my list has included items as wide-ranging as:

• Secured an exciting promotional partnership

• Worked on my blog content (oh hi!)

• Managed to clean the kitchen before doing the school run

• Fixed my ailing printer through the wonder of YouTube.

If you give this practice a try for a month, you’re likely to find yourself starting to notice the things you’ve done well in the moment, too. Just a second or two of positivity after doing something well can shift the energy of your whole day, and give your brain some practice at noticing the good as well as the bad.

6 minute practice

You could also try doing a shorter version of this practice a few times a day: try writing one or two things when you sit down to work, again before you hop up for lunch, and once more at the end of the working day when you shut things down and get ready to do something different.

This doesn’t suit everybody (because it can be hard to remember to do it in the midst of everything else), but drip-feeding yourself some positive energy throughout the day can be very helpful if you’re prone to beating yourself up or focusing on the negatives.

10 minute practice
At the end of the day (as part of your bedtime routine, if not before) take one page of a notebook or pad, divide it in half, write ‘proud’ at the top of one column and ‘grateful’ at the top of the second.

Now, fill each column with things from the day that make you feel proud/grateful. It can be anything, from the small ‘got all the washing up cleared’ to the big ‘gave the big scary presentation and felt pretty good about myself after’. From ‘I’m grateful for woolly socks’ to ‘I’m grateful for the opportunity I had to learn from my amazing mentor today’.

Why do one of these practices? Because they wage war on the inner critic, who can often have a habit of sneaking out after you’ve turned the light off and are ready for sleep. Our brains are all designed by nature to default to the negative (once upon a time it helped us learn from dangerous mistakes in the wild and keep ourselves safe), and these are a few simple, time-effective ways to do a little gentle rewiring of that automatic tendency, daily. By focusing on what you have achieved at the end of each day, you can tilt that bias the other way, giving you a concrete reason to be that little bit kinder to yourself.

Further resources:

Tara Brach: The RAIN of Self-Compassion (10 minute guided meditation - free)

In this brief practice, meditation teacher and psychologist Tara Brach encourages the practice of self-compassion with warmth, acceptance and one of the most soothing voices you’re ever likely to hear. Listen regularly to encourage your mind to take better care of itself when difficult things happen, or you find that you’re turning on yourself.

Go deeper: Kristin Neff & Chris Garner: The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook
A clear, evidence-based and comprehensive guide to developing a meaningful self-compassion practice. If you struggle with perfectionism, self-criticism and the like, this could be a life-changer. A secular introduction to mindfulness, loving-kindness and remaining self-compassionate when things get tough, this is an invaluable resource if you’re willing to devote some time to developing meaningful, lasting self-compassion.

If you try one of these out this month, I would absolutely love to hear how it goes. My email address is at the bottom of the page.

And if you, or someone you know, could do with some one-to-one support with self-compassion, or the many wonderful ways that it’s possible to get great work done while feeling better about yourself, my coaching practice is deeply rooted in these concepts, and it’s my mission to help you to feel good at work, while doing a good job!